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Aug. 30, 2010
The real deal
Topic: General and miscellaneous
Discussion: Cost to check bat bag?

Those greedy bastards...
Jan. 1, 2010
The real deal
Topic: General and miscellaneous
Discussion: Top 5 Tips For A Successful 2010 Season



1). Add as many "5-tool" players to your team as possible. On my team, I am the only one who qualifies: I drink, smoke, gamble, cheat, and go to church every Sunday. Once you get this down, the softball stuff comes easy...

2). Eliminate "Eye Bounce". This year our outfielders will be trained to chase down fly balls with an open mouth (seriously guys, some of this stuff I couldn't make up).

3). Eliminate "Ball Bounce". In a related training technique, while chasing down fly balls, our outfielders will be trained to keep their balls from bouncing by opening their anal cavity.

4). Intimidate the other team by adding at least one player who is familiar with the hormone (he didn't pay her).

5). Add one player to your team who also moonlights as an umpire. This player is usually your second best player (with everyone else tied for first). He is also the last player to enter the game, and the first one to be ejected.


By following these tips, I can guarantee a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year for your team, 'cuz I'm...


The Real Deal


Dec. 30, 2009
The real deal
Topic: General and miscellaneous
Discussion: Top 10 things I learned from this message board in 2009:

1). That Acai berry juice would help me lose weight. I lost 15 lbs. drinking this stuff! (Unfortunately, no one mentioned that the weight loss would come by way of constant diarreah).

2). Chicks dig the long ball! (Especially the grandmas in the stands with 6" of exposed cleavage).

3). Some teams just don't take senior softball seriously enough! While our team was taking BP in the weed patch next to Costco in Turlock before our next game, our opponents were sitting in a big circle, laughing, yukkin' it up, and enjoying their favorite beverage together. They just don't get it!

4). If you post something on this board that disparages me or my co-workers, I'll sue yer ass!

5). To improve my quickness and agility, I should stand in front of my bedroom mirror, flex a few times, and move up and back - side to side as rapidly as possible! (Note: To avoid whiplash pain, please wear underwear...)

6). If pitchers need to wear protective gear, they should find another position, or retire! (Especially if I want to "buzz the tower").

7). Regarding the "best outfielders" post, I was pissed that none of my teammates submitted my name (those bastards!) They're lucky to have me. Not only am I the most gifted player on my team, I'm also the nicest guy...

8). Einstein, Dirty, and Mad Dog must be future HOF'ers!

9). We demand a bat / ball combination that will allow us to be so impressed with ourselves that we won't need to use Viagra.

10). SSUSA doesn't need to spend any time or effort trying to determine what the players want. Just ask ME, because I speak for the majority! cuz I'm...


The Real Deal


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