|Jan. 30, 2015|
Discussion: 50 Shades of Softball... (homage to the new bat)
Oh how I can't wait to slip my tackified Neuman XXL batting gloves on and gently draw you from my bat bag... Hold you with care firmly in my grasp. You want to leap out, to strike, but you can't. You're completely in my control. Not squished into my palms like an unthinking brute but held in the bends of my fingers, seemingly effortlessly. With each waggle you realize that resistance is futile... you're mine completely. You, with your 13" oversized sweet spot have tempted me for months. I've swung your sister, the extra end load with the fiery red end cap and 12" but intense sweet spot, but it was you with your extra inch pushed down toward your handle giving you that slightly more balanced feel that finally won me over.
You'll patiently watch as I strategically 'take', you'll impatiently yearn to attack but you're restrained. Not until I press you back with my hands, loading, while beginning to shift my weight, driving forward then throwing my hips open in full rotational bliss. Then and only then do my hands follow. A tiny movement at first, I cock them, thrusting your head back even farther and then suddenly I drive my hands forward, toward the object of our mutual desire. The suddenness makes you gasp and as I begin to snap my wrists the acceleration to maximum bat speed takes your breath away! You're whirling, racing, afraid to even look and just as I reach maximum momentum, and clench both cheeks we both feel the satisfying climactic crush of you on ball! Simultaneously we explode, me toward first, no, second base and you... you, with an elegant bat flip sail dizzyingly toward the dugout. You land spent in the dirt, unable to move under your own power... You'll be handled by any number of my teammates then tucked away awaiting my return... and for the dance to begin anew.
I can practically hear your heart beginning to accelerate again, even here from second base... Hello beautiful. Stay true, stay hot... and never ever make me wonder if I should have committed to a Miken Freak Black Sr. Edition in 28 oz.
Hee hee :)
(My wife can't wait for the movie, this is my revenge)