|Nov. 4, 2011|
I want to organize an Occupy SSUSA, starting at the Big League Dreams fields 8:00 AM Nov 15th. Please bring your tents, sleeping bags, grills, personal porta-potties, and - most importantly - your signs.
Our demands are simple: Redistribute Championships to all. 1% of the teams are winners while the other 99% are losers - this is unfair and needs to be changed.
Specifically, here’s our platform:
1. Every team that attends a tournament should be a winner with no team being a loser. This can be done simply by making the "equalizer" be the run differential between the leading team and the lagging team (we don’t call it the “losing” team for fear of future mental anguish). Thus, all games will end in a tie, and all awards distributed equally.
2. No team should have more Major plus players than any other team. Thus, at the beginning of every game, the Major+ players will be assigned to the two teams equally. If there are an odd number of Major+ players, the singleton-Major+ player must go back to his home-town or play naked, including no shoes.
3. All previous winners of the vile signs of superiority (rings, bags, jackets, etc.) must surrender all of them by 11/11/11 to be distributed equally among all senior players. This is not voluntary. SSUSA must police this process and disbar any player seen wearing or using such awards.
4. We believe the TOC should continue, but with some changes. The name should be changed to the Tournament of Mediocres (TOM) and every team should have its own skill-division. So instead of just Major+, Major, AAA, AA we need everything down to X, Y, Z – one division per team.
5. Our rallying symbol: Instead of something like a fist pointing to the sky, we will wear our hats turned 90 degrees to the left. When we see another player with his hat turned in this way, we will recognize our brother and shake his left hand.
6. We demand to see the financial books of SSUSA to ensure that it makes no profit. All revenue over expenses must be distributed to all players equally.
7. There are other items we’ll have to work on in the future, such as limiting the speed of players to the slowest player on either team. This movement must be complete and all encompassing.
Senior Softball Players Unite – We All Deserve to Be Winners!