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Online now: 8 members: Advil Knight, Apps, Crumpy, DJP18, Rob64, Rookies 40, SMFB, marcster13; 12 anonymousDiscussion: For the snow bound and those who like laughter. Long but funny.
| Posted | Discussion |
| Jan. 21 taits Men's 65 4548 posts | THIS IS TO PREPARE US FOR THE BIG STORM AHEAD AND ALL THOSE IN THE FUTURE. IF THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU LAUGH THEN YOU DIDN'T READ IT. DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow.. Such a disappointment! My neighbour tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour. December 14 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all. December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my behind on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I really hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20 Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the darn stuff last night. More shovelling! Took all day. The darn snow plough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he is lying. December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plough, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the darn snowplough. December 25 Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the darn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snow plough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave. December 26 Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My WIFE is driving me crazy!!! December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars for the beating I gave him. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted. December 31 I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8 Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? |
| Jan. 21 Omar Khayyam 1357 posts | Taits, that was priceless! And part of the reason my family left Colorado and Wyoming for balmy California. Maybe a BIG part of the reason. |
| Jan. 21 birdie Men's 70 802 posts | Taits, I can relate to the snowplow driver. We had a big storm in Dec. in Va. and I think the same snowplow driver was here. I had to shovel oh I take that back. My girlfriend had to shovel twice to dig out the cars because of my bad shoulder,she wouldn't let me shovel. I do love that woman. Still trying to buy a house in Cape Coral Fla.I hate the winter. Thanks Harry |
| Jan. 22 Omar Khayyam 1357 posts | birdie, you've got a girlfriend who shovels for you?! Hang on to that woman! |
| Jan. 22 Webbie25 Men's 70 2414 posts | priceless!! |
| Jan. 22 birdie Men's 70 802 posts | Omar, She is a keeper. Thanks Harry |
| Jan. 22 diehard Men's 55 246 posts | taits, Great Story! Hey Harry, Is that shoulder a seasonal problem? It didn't seem to be bothering you during ball season! LOL |
| Jan. 23 birdie Men's 70 802 posts | Greg,It really hurt when I tried to shovel. TOC just about 2 weeks away. It is starting to feel better. Harry |
| Jan. 23 diehard Men's 55 246 posts | As long as it doesn't snow between now and then you'll be good to go. I can't wait. |
| Jan. 23 birdie Men's 70 802 posts | Going to Fla on Tuesday to play some golf for a few days. I only have to dodge one more week. It is a good test of a relationship if you can golf together. So far so good. Thanks Harry |
| Jan. 24 lemons Men's 65 323 posts | Harry, Have a safe trip, keep it in the fairway, keep your sense of humor and we'll see you at The TOC. Mel |
| Jan. 24 birdie Men's 70 802 posts | Mel, Fairways and Greens does not get any better than that. We all must maintain our sense of humor. Life is much more fun that way.Looking forward to the TOC. Thanks Harry |
| Jan. 24 Mr. Manassas 244 posts | Oh mighty bird master....how wise from such a scroogester............ |
| Jan. 28 southpaw Men's 70 1077 posts | Taits, that is truly hilarious. Have shared it with several family members and friends; all with same reaction--laughed til sides hurt. Thanks, Steve |
| Feb. 3 birdie Men's 70 802 posts | Greg, I did not dodge the bullet. I got back from 75 degree weather on Friday and it was 21 in Va. I have been shoveling snow since I got back. Let me see if I can quote her if you are going to play you are going to shovel. I have been shoveling ever since. See you all at the TOC. Thanks Harry NV FORCE |
| Feb. 3 diehard Men's 55 246 posts | Hey Harry, It seems like we are in for another storm or two before we even leave for the TOC. We practiced last night and when we came outside of the practice facility, there was 6" on the ground. They are calling for a minimum of 14" on the snowfall expected Firday. Time to get a snowblower, I'm tired of all this shoveling! See you in Florida. |
| Feb. 4 lemons Men's 65 323 posts | Harry, I thought you'd just stay in Florida after playing golf and wait for The TOC. It seems as if your girlfriend caught on. :>) Don't hurt yourself shoveling........we'll be doing the same thing when the storm gets here tomorrow. Looking forward to warmer weather next week. Take care, Mel |
| Feb. 4 birdie Men's 70 802 posts | I would have loved to stay in Fla. How ever I am still working. I should have had a better plan when I was younger. I had a pretty good time back then but I am paying for it now. Looking forward to Fla. Thanks Harry |
