A Real Dessert to Die For - Almost

June 1, 2016

By Audie Hollis

My best friend Ed Rose is a high-energy driven individual who has been playing senior softball for 19 years.  He’s achieved numerous notable accomplishments. He is in the National Senior Softball Hall of Fame, he has written five books, and he owns several businesses, but he is best known as a man who loves to eat dessert.

Recently Ed attended his military high school’s 50^th class reunion and had a great time seeing his old buds and reliving some good times.  After dinner was served he commented on his severe sweet tooth and how much he loved dessert.  

One of his classmates from Colorado took note of this and eagerly offered, “I’m going to send you some dessert that I think will knock your socks off!”

Weeks later, a truck driver delivered a large, tightly wrapped package for Ed on a Thursday afternoon.  He noticed it was from his Colorado classmate and immediately opened the package to find a delectable assortment of candies. 

He eagerly sat down in his chair to watch TV and proceeded to delve into the dessert. My buddy is noted for not just eating dessert like a normal human being but attacking it like a starving stray dog.  He gave no regard to what the doctors told him about losing weight, and Ed ate not one, but all 25 of the candies in a matter of minutes. 

Moments later his head began spinning and he tried to lumber out of his chair, but he completely lost control, and fell flat on his face as his mind began to race.  

Was he having a heart attack? Should he have listened to the doctors? 

In his mind it was obvious that he was having a heart attack as he couldn’t control his body and he felt his heart was racing while the room continued spinning faster and faster.  Ed yelled out to his housekeeper for help and to get his wife, but unfortunately his wife was out shopping. He desperately requested his housekeeper to call 911 as he prepared to draw his last breath lying on the living room floor.

In a matter of minutes Ed could hear the sirens of the approaching rescue unit and the voices of three rescue personnel as he lay on the floor with his eyes closed and his mind spinning. 

The lead tech said, “I think the old codger had a heart attack.”  

One of the other techs immediate retorted, “I don’t think so that’s my old coach and he’s as tough as nails!”  

The third tech took his blood pressure and said, “Guys, his blood pressure and heart rate are perfect!  I don’t think he’s had a hard attack or stroke. Look at his pupils and bloodshot eyes, I think he’s on a drug trip!”

Sure enough, the Colorado candies were laced with very potent THC, which is a derivative of marijuana, and the servings he ate were enough to kill a horse.  The paramedics hung around until he was stabilized and his wife returned. 

For the next day my buddy was still high as a kite as he basically slept all day and could hardly walk without falling down.  Recalling the events to me Ed said, “It was the first time I took a trip and never left home!

Audie Hollis is manager/player of Hollis Appraisals 60 Major-Plus team and has been voted into the SSUSA International Hall of Fame.